RebeccaApril
05-07-2008, 02:39 AM
Hello Everyone,
My name is Rebecca and i just turned 24. I am a University student who's stuttering has mentally isolated her once free spirited personality. Actually i was always very shy growing up and i dont think it was just because i stuttered, i am just a quiet individual who takes everything in before she puts her two cents in i guess. The free spirit came out in me when i was in College. Who's free spirit doesn't come out..right?..all the partying and meeting new exciting people and of course the independence.
Once that was over..it all went downhill. I would hear the phone ring and go in the opposite direction, calling for a cab or simply making an appointment became so hard from me that i just wouldnt do it. To this day i am holding myself back from so many things, finding a good job, meeting new people..it just makes me so anxious and then i get mad at myself for not going through with simple daily functions like asking for directions..i believe that i can do everything myself..i dont need any help.
When i finally "came clean" to some family members, they were sort of relieved that i was actually coming out with the fact that i stutter and i may need professional help. I became very excited and started talking with some speech therapists who made me feel like i was still a normal person, yet i had a stuttering problem. As most of you know who have seen a speech therapist they may make you feel better about yourself and your stutter, but as a broke student, i couldnt afford the weekly sessions.
I was told about a speech fluency program that was three weeks, during the summer, and i was definitely pumped and so i enrolled in the "very expensive" program and thought i was going to be cured..haha!
The program was great..i met some people who were just like me..yet in the back of my mind i was thinking.."he/she doesnt stutter as bad as i do". Yeah i know..very optomistic of me isnt it..? but that is just how my mind works. I have been so hard on myself for so many years that i came out of the program with a sense of accomplishment..which faded very quickly.
As of right now i am just seeking a sense of understanding i guess..because when i do stupid things like change my name..(i know its horrible) or want to hide when i get enough courage to actually pronounce my own given name and stutter the shit out of it..i like to read about you individuals who know exactly what i mean and have cried as many times as i have. I will never forget the time when i went out for ice cream with some of my guy friends and we were all talking about the summer and our plans, where we are gonna work..and i had enrolled in the speech program..so i had to take a month off and i just told them that i stutter and i am taking the program..all of them had no idea..that is how well "word switching" used to work for me.
I don't want you all to think that i lead such a isolated existence..i still stutter in front of people and have accomplished alot...i just need to ACCEPT the fact that i stutter! :)
My name is Rebecca and i just turned 24. I am a University student who's stuttering has mentally isolated her once free spirited personality. Actually i was always very shy growing up and i dont think it was just because i stuttered, i am just a quiet individual who takes everything in before she puts her two cents in i guess. The free spirit came out in me when i was in College. Who's free spirit doesn't come out..right?..all the partying and meeting new exciting people and of course the independence.
Once that was over..it all went downhill. I would hear the phone ring and go in the opposite direction, calling for a cab or simply making an appointment became so hard from me that i just wouldnt do it. To this day i am holding myself back from so many things, finding a good job, meeting new people..it just makes me so anxious and then i get mad at myself for not going through with simple daily functions like asking for directions..i believe that i can do everything myself..i dont need any help.
When i finally "came clean" to some family members, they were sort of relieved that i was actually coming out with the fact that i stutter and i may need professional help. I became very excited and started talking with some speech therapists who made me feel like i was still a normal person, yet i had a stuttering problem. As most of you know who have seen a speech therapist they may make you feel better about yourself and your stutter, but as a broke student, i couldnt afford the weekly sessions.
I was told about a speech fluency program that was three weeks, during the summer, and i was definitely pumped and so i enrolled in the "very expensive" program and thought i was going to be cured..haha!
The program was great..i met some people who were just like me..yet in the back of my mind i was thinking.."he/she doesnt stutter as bad as i do". Yeah i know..very optomistic of me isnt it..? but that is just how my mind works. I have been so hard on myself for so many years that i came out of the program with a sense of accomplishment..which faded very quickly.
As of right now i am just seeking a sense of understanding i guess..because when i do stupid things like change my name..(i know its horrible) or want to hide when i get enough courage to actually pronounce my own given name and stutter the shit out of it..i like to read about you individuals who know exactly what i mean and have cried as many times as i have. I will never forget the time when i went out for ice cream with some of my guy friends and we were all talking about the summer and our plans, where we are gonna work..and i had enrolled in the speech program..so i had to take a month off and i just told them that i stutter and i am taking the program..all of them had no idea..that is how well "word switching" used to work for me.
I don't want you all to think that i lead such a isolated existence..i still stutter in front of people and have accomplished alot...i just need to ACCEPT the fact that i stutter! :)